Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
