i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize