So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Randomize
