Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize
