Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
They are going to name an STD after you.
Randomize
