At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
