i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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