Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
