I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
