my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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