i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
