you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
