Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
