please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
