Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
