tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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