Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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