did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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