I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
