I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
