This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Randomize
