Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
