Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
