She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize