Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Randomize
