Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
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