when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
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