I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
