Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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