the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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