i just wanna soil my oats bro
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
