she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
