hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
