he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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