your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
