My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
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I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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