I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I met the friendliest cop last night
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
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