Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
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