my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
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I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
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