9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Vodka?
Forever.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize