Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
