Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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