glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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