I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
