just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
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I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
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Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
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