I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
We had sex on a dog bed..
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
