I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
