I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
