Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
