I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
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