I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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