Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
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She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
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Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
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