people are starting to question the shark bite story
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
