you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
