When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
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My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
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So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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