I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
