Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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