if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
