Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
