i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
