I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize