What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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