using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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