Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
