Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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