im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
